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Germ Theory We went to the pediatrician six times in two weeks just last month. And when we weren’t there in person, I was on the phone with the nurse. The reason there were so many trips is because children in one family never do you the simple favor of all falling ill at once. No, each member of the family gets it one at a time. In this way, an epidemic can cause the greatest difficulty and disruption to the family in question. It’s a great challenge to your mothering skills to coddle a sick child and entertain two healthy ones who are bouncing off of the walls when you are under the weather yourself. Which leads me to an important point: don’t eat from your children’s plates. Mothers do this because we haven’t been able to sit down and properly enjoy a meal since the birth of the first offspring. I rush to get everything out on the table, hands washed, food served, milk poured, and by then someone is already asking to be excused. Of course, the child in question always leaves that barely touched plate, so why dirty another? Besides, those potatoes are already buttered and salted. Of course, I’m exposing myself to a microbial smorgasbord. Here’s another suggestion, don’t let your toddler drink from your glass. Permitting this is as unappetizing as it sounds, but the munchkins always want to. And, after a few sips, you can literally see the little beasties swimming around in the cup looking for a new home. You view the world differently in many ways when you have kids. I used to think McDonald’s play lands were cute and that the mall play area looked like a lot of fun. Now, I know them both for what they truly are, giant Petri dishes for sickness. I even debate going to church some Sundays because I fear the impact on my family of the omnipresent hacking child in the kiddy bin. You know, the one whose mother whispers "It’s allergies," in explanation for the ropes of green snot dripping from her child’s nose. And everyone has that special friend who calls you to get together then happens to mention that little Mikey is just getting over something when your toddler is diligently sucking away on Mikey’s toy. Being sick is an envied state at my house. It means you get to lie in bed, drink coke, and watch TV all day. My husband takes to the bed when he’s ill, but he seems to believe I have an iron constitution, and am very rarely so incapacitated that I cannot function at least minimally. Besides, I get to stay home and "take it easy" all day. Anne was recently ill with an unpleasant gastrointestinal bug, and Anton, my oldest, was beside himself. He went into an immediate, jealous decline and wanted to snuggle up next to his sister. He knew close proximity to her would probably ensure he would soon be sipping pop and watching cartoons. When you have little kids, you don’t consider it strange to wake up with an arm numb from propping up a congested baby and with eyes glued together with some unidentifiable green gook. As parents, you struggle through those long nights of fever, vomiting, and fights to get the kids to take medicine and to take a cooling bath when their temperatures are too high. And you get to experience the sweet relief of cool foreheads and cheeks and restful sleep. Now, for me, winter is no longer just holidays, snow, skating, and warm fires, it’s also the "sick time," when my parents bring their own bottles of sanitizing Purel on visits to our house. My pediatrician assures me that by the time our youngest is three, our children will "outgrow" this constant sickness. In other words, they will have been already exposed to a good percentage of what’s out there. Until then, I was thinking of suggesting that the pediatrician employ some sort of "frequent flyer" program. By now, we would probably have earned a trip to Maui. Caroline Akervik is a freelance writer whose humorous reflections on family life have been published in both print publications and on e-zines. Her romantic suspense novel, Calypso’s Secret, written under the pen name Isabelle Kane, will be released by Whiskey Creek Press in May of 2005. Look for more of her work at www.isabellekane.com. |
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