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What’s The Green Stuff, Mommy? "Time for dinner everyone!" I call out. Within seconds I can hear the stampede of ten racing footsteps of my children in all directions. As they enter the kitchen I remind them to wash their hands. You’d think they would have that down by now. I see my youngest son, Joseph, curiously peeking in the pots and pans on the stove. He shuffles over to get in line at the sink. "Mmmm, something smells good, Mom," my oldest, Tony, says, sitting down at the table. "I’m hungry," Phillip announces. My husband enters the room and we all sit down to say grace. Not more than 20 seconds pass when my youngest son takes one look at the food on his plate, scrunches up his cute face (it’s a good thing he’s cute), and pointing to his meal before him asks, "What’s the green stuff, Mommy?" Everyone stops, holds their breath and turns to look at me. I look at Joseph, put on a happy face, and utter two words. "Excuse me?" Joseph leans down closer to his plate, surveying the food. "That stuff. What’s the GREEN STUFF in my food?" he asks again, his face still all twisted. All eyes land on me once again. Before I can say a word (or ring Joseph’s neck) my son, Nick, decides to add some humor to the conversation at our dinner table. "That green stuff is old, dead, dried up worms, and Mom’s going to make you eat it," Nick answers, chuckling to himself. One look from my husband silences Nick for the rest of the meal. I take a deep breath, clear my throat, and think to myself, what does this child of mine have against the color green? If there is even one speck of any color remotely close to a shade of green on his plate, he freaks out. Believe me, I’ve tried all the little tricks to disguise his dinner in any way possible, but he still picks through in search of greenness and doesn’t stop until he finds it. As my family begins to eat and enjoy the meal I have spent the last 45 minutes in the kitchen preparing, I sit across from Joseph and watch him digging through his food with a fork. "Joseph, you know Mommy wouldn’t feed you old, dead, dried up worms, now don’t you?" I say, looking him straight in the eyes. "I know that, Mommy, but what is the green stuff?" UGH! Paula Schmitt is a writer and the "All Sports Mom" to four boys, and one daughter, living in Central Vermont. When she’s not swamped in laundry, grocery shopping and writing deadlines her hobbies include dusting, cleaning bathrooms and traveling to her son’s sporting events. She writes a regular column, Mommy Mediator, at JustForMom.com and a column, The All Sports Mom, at SanityCentral.com, SanDiegoMama.com and MommyHullabaloo.com. Paula has been published in the Herald of Randolph, WriteFromHome.com, RaisingOurKids.com, Witwords.com, iparentingstories.com, The PhilosophicalMother.com and several other parenting sites. In between her kids play dates, music lessons and unexpected sports injuries she is attempting to write her first fiction novel and non-fiction parenting humor book. She will be co-hosting Just For Mom Radio, launching fall, 2004. To read more of her columns and parenting tips visit http://paulaschmitt.netfirms.com and for some much needed adult conversation email her at pj5@sover.net. |
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